You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
