i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
