woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
