A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
