I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
