I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
