wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
