Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
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