hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
