How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
