He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
