I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
