the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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