we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
