i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
