you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize