No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
