roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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