i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
