the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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