How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
