it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
