you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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