if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
