i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
