My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
