You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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