So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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