the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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