I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
