You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
