Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
