make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
