What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
