she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
