I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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