Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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