There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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