Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
