you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
