they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
