please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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