Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my liver is dry heaving
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
