great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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