If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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