Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
