Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
