Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
