Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
