There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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