i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
