oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
