THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
