I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
