Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
