i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
third nipple confirmed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize