try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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