Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you traded sex for a burrito?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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