First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
