i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
