Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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