That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
