'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
