dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
