We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
