Me. At least after what I've been through.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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