I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
