Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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