There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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