just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize