How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
